Chapter 122
In the blink of an eye, it was already September.
When Cui Xie first arrived in this world, it was the eighteenth year of the Chenghua reign. That September, he had still been in his hometown, promoting romance novels with his sleeves rolled up. Now, he had become a capitalist with three chain bookstores, with readers eagerly pleading for his publications.
However, human desires never ceased with the increase and acquisition of wealth and status. In his previous life, he had read a poem in a brochure from some elderly wellness company that went, “Busy working for food when hungry, once fed, one will think of clothes. When both food and clothes are sufficient, a beautiful wife is missing at home.”
At that time, he had been too busy with his graduation thesis and job hunting, and he did not take such philosophical musings seriously, finding them too trivial to even mock or laugh at. Now, having become a wealthy and influential figure in the Ming Dynasty, someone recognized by even the Emperor himself, Cui Xie began to understand the depth and profoundness of that poem.
Just as he had managed to get the two Cui family shops up and running, ensuring everyone in the household could drink cow and sheep milk, he found himself yearning for more. Originally prepared to harbor a lifelong unrequited love for a straight man, he found himself discontent after Xie Ying reciprocated his feelings. Now, he lamented their bi-monthly meetings as too infrequent and felt disheartened by their inability to meet at all in August.
Thinking back to his college days, he remembered his friends who were in long-distance relationships and would not see each other for an entire year. If they could endure that, why could he not be more composed and do the same!
Cui Xie chided himself as he donned a newly dark blue robe, grabbed his fangjin and headed to the outer courtyard. He quickly put the bridle onto his horse and led it outside.
He was still riding his young stallion, which, as soon as the bridle was put on, knew it was time to head out. Proudly, it neighed at the mare beside it and trotted impatiently on the stone slabs, eagerly dragging its Master outside, yearning to gallop away.
This time, their meeting place was not at the Xie Residence but at Pingpo Mountain, which would be known as Cuiwei Mountain in later generations1. Due to the difficulty of navigating the mountain roads with a carriage, Xie Ying had sent him a note early, suggesting they both ride to meet at Pingpo Temple. Xie Shan, the ever dedicated driver, finally had a day off and Cui Xie did not have to endure his metaphorical ‘spin cycle’ in the carriage. Both were quite pleased with such a prospect.
It was early September and not yet frost season, but the red leaves on the mountain had already turned into a sea of crimson. Dressed in red robes, Xie Ying stood at the bottom of the mountain gate of the temple, next to a small market, scanning the surroundings for his companion. His striking appearance outshone even the beautiful red leaves.
Cui Xie spurred his horse to move faster and, upon reaching Xie Ying, jumped off the horse and asked, “Xie-xiong, why are you waiting here? It is so chilly on the mountain, would it not be better to wait inside the temple?”
Xie Ying smiled, took Cui Xie’s hand and felt it was a bit cold and then took out a large cloak from his horses’ saddlebag and draped it over the other, saying, “Haven’t seen you in more than a month, you seem to have grown taller?”
Cui Xie immediately felt a warm sensation run throughout his body. He pulled his hand away and said, “My hands are cold, don’t let me chill you.” As he spoke, he noticed Xie Ying’s chestnut-colored horse tied to a nearby tree and inquired, “How long have you been waiting here? Have you not gone into the temple yet?”
Xie Ying untied his horse, mounted it in a single movement and shook his head, “We will go there later. Let’s enjoy the mountain scenery first.”
On the first and fifteenth of each month, many people would come to the temple to burn incense and worship. Though they were standing in a secluded spot, their presence was still noticeable and staying too long would inevitably attract attention. Being a local and familiar with the area, Xie Ying led Cui Xie towards less frequented and smoother paths. At the mountain’s summit was an expanse of flatland that stretched for about a hundred miles, with lush vegetation and open, scenic views, perfect for admiring the landscape unfurled before them.
The two of them found a spot where there were few people and sparse trees, with a large, clean rock to rest on. They tied their horses to a big tree behind them and fed them some black beans.
From their vantage point, they could see the scenery of Lushi Mountain and Mingjue Mountain. The sky was dyed with that unique, bright blue of autumn, which made one feel open-hearted and refreshed. Standing on the large rock and gazing at the mountains, Cui Xie recited, “The western mountains in the morning bring with it a refreshing breeze,” feeling as if he possessed the same refined air as the famous scholar Wang Ziyou2.
Xie Ying took a jug of wine and a box of pastries from a bag attached to his saddle, spreading a thick, colorfully patterned blanket on the ground, inviting Cui Xie to sit and have a bite to eat. Watching Xie Ying spread the blanket and set out the items meticulously, Cui Xie felt a bit embarrassed. Rubbing his hands, he sheepishly said, “I thought the temple would have everything, so I did not prepare anything. If I had known we were going to have a picnic, I would have asked someone to make some food to bring along.”
Xie Ying shook his head, “We will not need to stay in the wild for long. I just thought that since we would not have a chance on the Double Ninth Festival, I would bring you out to hike the mountain, drink chrysanthemum wine and eat Double Ninth cakes as a way to celebrate the festival in advance.”
Xie Ying poured two cups of slightly greenish wine, opened the box to reveal an assortment of pastries and raised his cup to Cui Xie, saying, “I did not ask for Double Ninth cakes to be made, just some ordinary pastries. I remember you like these. I did not ask for those milk pastries your family is good at making, fearing you may have tired of them at home.”
Drinking the wine would help chase away the cold and warm them up. They clinked their cups and downed two full cups. Xie Ying was about to pour more wine for Cui Xie, who stated in surprise, “You usually do not let me drink this much. Are you lifting that ban today?”
Isn’t lifting the ban a good thing? Xie Ying leaned over, pressing his cheek against Cui Xie’s finding it still cool. He poured another cup and said, “The weather is chilly, so you should drink a bit more to warm up. This is fruit wine steamed into a light, vegetarian beverage. Even if you get drunk, you will not offend the temple. If you do get tipsy, you can sleep in the temple and head home once you have sobered up.”
En, well, Pingpo Temple was the future Xiangjie Temple, which Cui Xie had visited before. There was not much to see there.
Cui Xie nibbled on some pastries and drank another cup of wine. Then, he picked up the jug to pour one for Xie Ying, using the action to hide his grin as he recited a playful verse, “There he is gathering the dolichos! A day without seeing him is like three months!”
Xie Ying, unaware that this verse was from a more amorous poem, thought Cui Xie was just being coquettish and expressing his longing. He lowered his head, drank the wine from his cup and held Cui Xie’s fingers with the other, replying, “You have not studied in vain. Confucius said, “If you do not learn the Odes, you will not be fit to converse with’. You are using verses from the Classic of Poetry to express your feelings now, so you must have learned it well?”
Cui Xie turned the wine cup in his hand and replied, “Not quite thoroughly. I have only studied Zhu Xi’s and Mao’s annotations and there are still many aspects I do not fully understand. I need to listen to my teachers’ explanations more. For example, this poem, 《Gathering Dolichos》uses the image of gathering purple hyacinth bean plants to express deep-seated feelings. The woman’s longing is connected to the act of gathering dolichos and vines, her emotions naturally arising and thus inspiring the poem.”
The poem described common wild grasses, which could be found even at the top of this mountain. However, with the weather turning colder, these grasses had already withered before the first. Had they come a month or half a month earlier, they might have been able to see the dolichos in full bloom, vibrant and full of life.
Cui Xie casually pulled a few half-yellow, dried grasses, and regardless of whether they were dolichos or not, wound them around Xie Ying’s hands a few times, faintly smiling, “I am also inspired by what I see.”
Being inspired by seeing someone is also a source of inspiration.
Xie Ying turned his hand to grasp Cui Xie’s, wrapping the grass stems halfway around Cui Xie’s hand. Holding the hand that appeared even more fair and slender against the dried grasses, he said, “When I was studying the Analects, I read that ‘the Odes serve to stimulate the mind. They may be used for purposes of self-contemplation. They teach the art of sociability and show how to regulate feelings of resentment’. We did not study the classics at the martial academy and later, I became busy with my duties, so I did not have a chance to learn them. It is rare to meet a scholar like you. Tell me, what does ‘stimulate’ mean?”
….Da-ge, which ‘stimulate’ are you talking about?
We have not seen each other for a month and a half. Now that we are together, instead of enjoying our time eating, drinking and having fun, you want to discuss the《Classic of Poetry》? Is this still considered a date?
Cui Xie felt quite exasperated, almost wishing he could lift Xie Ying’s robe to teach him what ‘stimulate’ truly meant.
Xie Ying observed Cui Xie’s unwilling expression and realized that discussing classics at this moment was not exactly considerate. However, after listening to poetry and enduring playful teasing for a while, if he did not shift the topic to something else, things might get out of hand. Gently stroking Cui Xie’s slightly flushed cheek, he comforted the other, “Tell me about it and I will share a story with you–one about the Pingpo Temple down the mountain. How about that?”
Does he think I am a six-year-old to be coaxed with a story? Discussing classics was less appealing than practicing swordsmanship.
Cui Xie sighed with the air of an old man, resigned to his fate and explained faithfully, “Zhu Xi interpreted ‘stimulate’ (xing) as ‘to arouse the will’ and our Imperial College instructor explained it as ‘stimulate is what is born of the nature of qi’. ‘Stimulate’ is the energy that stirs and elevates the heart. The ancient kings collected poems to educate the people, aiming to stimulate their inner spirit.”
“ ‘Stimulate’ originate from emotions. When writing poetry, one’s heart harbors a will waiting to be expressed, and the external objects encapsulate the principles of heaven and earth. When these principles align with one’s inner will, the emotions and logic harmonize, the scenery before one’s eyes naturally transforms into eloquent verses…”
How could this fine gentleman, who should be responding to his affectionate advances, not see the opportunity for a deeper connection and communicate with him properly but still instead insisted on listening to an academic lecture instead?
Xie Ying sat cross-legged at one corner of the blanket, inviting Cui Xie to rest his head on his lap while he recited. He held a jug of fruit wine, occasionally feeding Cui Xie a sip. If Cui Xie’s speech slowed, indicating the onset of inebriation, he would feed him grapes and crabapples to help sober him up.
Xie Ying’s strength far surpassed Cui Xie’s and he was dressed in several layers of thin clothing. As he moved and shifted, his wide sleeves brushed against Cui Xie’s face and chest, causing an itch that Cui Xie could not ignore. Finally, unable to bear it any longer, he grabbed Xie Ying’s hand and forced in a hoarse voice, “Roll up your sleeves. If you keep brushing against me, I might just tear them off.”
Xie Ying glanced down and saw his own robe sleeve half covering Cui Xie’s face, obscuring most of it except for his right eye and mouth. Despite the slight furrowed brows and slight fog in his eyes, there was a smile at the corner of Cui Xie’s mouth as he reached out to touch Xie Ying’s face.
Xie Ying lowered his head so that Cui Xie could reach him more easily, letting him randomly stroke his face. He rolled up his sleeves and gently cautioned. “Do not make too much of a fuss. We will be going to the temple later, so be careful not to offend the Buddha and deities.”
Cui Xie asked in surprise, “Xie-xiong actually believes in Buddhism? Are you a lay practitioner?” No wonder Xie Ying’s views on love were so conservative, insisting on not pursuing relationships during studies…he had thought it was just because people of the Ming Dynasty were conservative!
Xie Ying laughed, “Just believe in whatever I encounter, be it a mountain or a temple. When I served in the Imperial palace, I listened to teachings from Great Master Ji Xiao and Proctor Li about Buddhism and Taoism, finding them admirable. The Emperor also advocates for the unity of the three teachings, so naturally, being constantly influenced by this, I followed suit. However, I am not nearly as devout as you.”
Cui Xie’s entire expression showcased confusion, his eyes wide open as he gazed back at the other.
Xie Ying, seeing his reaction, was puzzled as well, “Are you not a believer of Bodhisattva? The portrait of Guanyin you gifted me was so lifelike, as if the Bodhisattva herself had descended. I have never seen such a pure and sacred depiction of Guanyin elsewhere. Doesn’t your family’s Tranquil Bamboo Hall, which sells Buddhist scriptures during festivals like Tomb Sweeping Day, Buddha’s Birthday, Ghost Festival and New Year, belong to you? And that 《Banquet to Celebrate Peace in Heaven》you painted for the Emperor, don’t those figures look as if the gods themselves had descended onto the paper?”
No…that is just me replicating scenes from TV dramas.
No wonder, during such a grand festival, Xie Ying brought him to Xiangjie Temple, with an air of celibacy and a desire to become a monk.
Cui Xie’s face revealed a sad and despondent smile, “I can only draw. Xie-xiong, I am not as devout as you think. Maybe next time we should meet at our respective homes instead. The temple is not exactly convenient for us.”
Xie Ying flicked Cui Xie on the forehead and gently scolded, “Don’t talk nonsense. Do you think such words can be spoken lightly? It seems that you do not want to discuss the classics anymore. Let us not stay here, we should go to the temple to have something to eat and pay our respects. Pingpo Temple was once visited by the Emperor and indeed has some mystical qualities. Let us sincerely pray for peace and safety.”
Pingpo Temple was once renovated during the Renzong reign in the Song Dynasty and was renamed Dayuantong Temple, but people still commonly referred to it as Pingpo temple, using this moniker in poems and writings.
Knowing that Cui Xie was not well-traveled, Xie Ying led him through the temple, showing him the Imperial stele, two towering ancient trees, the main hall with the Three Buddhas, the rear hall with the Bodhisattva Guanyin, and the side hall with the Vajra, the symbol of Vajrayan, one of the three major schools of Buddhism…though Xie Ying claimed that he was not very devout, he stilled bowed earnestly during the prayers, murmuring something under his breath, making a wish.
Cui Xie, upon entering the temple, became more respectful. He bowed when required, donated where appropriate, lit several incense sticks and knelt before Buddha, praying quietly just like Xie Ying was. He had no grand ambitions, only wishing for a smooth life in the Ming Dynasty, to pass the Imperial Examinations soon, and to retire early…
Cui Xie glanced sideways at Xie Ying, a smile unconsciously forming at the corner of his mouth, and then lowered his head again to make another wish: “And hopefully, I can be with Xie Ying soon, without having to sneak around like thieves even when going out to have fun.”
After Cui Xie bowed his head, Xie Ying glanced at him with a much deeper expression. Turning back to the front, Xie Ying silently prayed, “….If the Buddha grants me this wish, I am willing to donate five hundred taels of silver to repair the main hall.”
After making their respective wishes, both stood up without needing to ask what the other had wished for. They mingled with the other worshippers, went to the meditation hall and partook in a simple vegetarian meal. They did not leave until after midday.
Descending Pingpo Mountain and after a great distance from the temple, Xie Ying took out a brocade box from his sleeve and handed it to Cui Xie, asking him to keep it. Cui Xie immediately recognized the item , shook his head and chuckled, “This is the box for the eyeliner paste my family produces. Why did Xie-xiong think of giving this to me? Is it becoming popular among the Jinyiwei?”
Xie Ying, who had never used it himself and was not adept at noticing if others had, shook his head and said, “I got this while listening to the play at the Gao Residence. Commander Gao said it is becoming fashionable to give it to close friends. You are the only one I consider close, so who else would I give it to? Even if you just let it gather dust on your shelf, it is still a token of my regard – just do not put it back on the shelf for sale.”
Cui Xie, ultimately pleased to receive the gift, swiftly slipped the box into his sleeve and said, “Alright, I will not worry about what it is. I will just treat it as a small collectible you gave me and display it on my shelf.”
Xie Ying smiled, his gaze lingering on the box lid, hesitating to say more, and eventually just said, “Let us head back.”
Having done everything he intended, he felt at ease and wanted to return home. However, Cui Xie suddenly remembered, “You promised to tell me a story, did you not? How come after wandering around the temple, you have forgotten all about it?”
Xie Ying laughed, “I did not deceive you. It is just that this story involves Pingpo Temple, and it was not appropriate to tell it while we were there. Do you remember the Vajra statue I showed you earlier? Did you notice it appeared newer than the rest in the temple?”
It seemed so, but Cui Xie had not paid much attention at the time.
Xie Ying turned back to gaze at the temple, his face bathed in the rays of sunlight basking down on them, giving him an unexpectedly devout and solemn expression. “A few years ago, before becoming a Colonel , when I first started to serve in Jinyiwei, I accompanied His Majesty on a visit to this temple. Back then, the Vajra statue you saw had a blackened face. When His Majesty saw it, he laughed and commented, “Looks like a Vajra born from fire’. Later, that very night, the statue was consumed by fire and the one you saw today is a new one.”
Emperor Xianzong of Ming was truly extraordinary!
What an ominous crow’s mouth…truly worthy of being the Son of Heaven3!
Cui Xie was at a loss for words, so he simply remained silent in amazement. Xie Ying, on the other hand, wore an expression of utmost sincerity, which was tinged with a touch of reverence, said, “Don’t know if it was the Vajra responding to the Emperor’s words or if HIs Majesty has a supernatural ability to foresee the deterioration of the statue.”
Regardless, such a miraculous event suggests that this temple is indeed more spiritually efficacious than others. Having prayed and made wishes here, surely the Buddha and Bodhisattvas will bless them and grant their wishes.
The two rode side by side along the countryside on horseback, only parting ways once they reached the city. Cui Xie, carrying the gift from their rendezvous, returned to his courtyard. Without greeting anyone, he hurried into his quarters, threw himself on the bed with the box and rolled around for a while, eyes closed, imagining Xie Ying secretly applying eyeliner at home.
In fact, men can also wear makeup. Modern male actors put on makeup for performances and shows, and even his classmates at the Imperial College sometimes came to school wearing makeup. For such stylish figures such as the Jinyiwei, wearing eyeliner should not be a big deal?
Xie-xiong would definitely look better than anyone else with it on.
Lying on the bed, Cui Xie felt the box, daydreaming for a long time in silence. He then promptly opened the box and took out a small porcelain jar containing the eyeliner paste to see if it had been used. As he picked up the jar, a makeup brush and a piece of paper fell out, landing right on the bed sheets.
To save costs, they had initially printed the instructions on thin paper, but why did this paper feel thicker and heavier? Could it be that Xie-xiong wrote a love letter and had felt too shy to give it directly and slipped it into the box?
Cui Xie’s heart trembled, feeling a sudden thrill. He quickly sat up, picked up the paper and unfolded it to read the contents—there was not a single word on it, only a pair of eyes drawn on the paper. The drawing was not very skilled, but it captured a certain familiar spirit.
Cui Xie held both the paper in both hands, sitting cross-legged on the bed, looking at it over and over again for who knows how long, his expression full of smiles. He folded the drawing and put it carefully back into the box, hiding it at the bottom of his bookcase. Then, he got off the bed, took a pencil and a stack of thick double-layered paper, and set up a drawing board to start sketching.
Drawing his eyes—was this not a way of saying Xie Ying wanted to see him? If Xie Ying could not see him in person, looking at a drawing would at least help alleviate his longing.
Since he could only give Xie Ying the drawing the next time they met, Cui Xie was in no hurry. He revised the draft countless times, and when it came to coloring, he took his time to meticulously detail every part, not worrying about the time spent. The person in the drawing is slightly older than he was currently, with more defined features and a more mature and steady temperament. It was not entirely based on his reflection in the mirror, but more closely resembled how Cui Xie had seen himself in photos and videos in his previous life.
In six years, he would look like this, right?
Cui Xie pinched his own cheeks and could still feel a hint of baby fat. By then, it should be all gone and he would have transformed into a mature and capable man.
Would Xie Ying like such a change? Could he see from the drawing that Cui Xie would become tall and reliable, someone who could provide a sense of security?
Cui Xie could hardly wait for his next break and was eager to send the drawing to Xie Ying immediately. However, before his own messenger could set off, someone from the Xie Residence came looking for him, bringing news that was not entirely good—
The two officers who had escorted Xu-shi had returned from the Pinghai Garrison, bringing with them his second brother, Cui Heng. They were traveling by boat en route to the capital and were now in Tongzhou, expected to arrive in the capital early the following morning.
Footnotes
- Cuiwei Mountain is part of three mountains in the western part of Beijing. Cuiwei Mountain is also called Pingpo Mountain. The name of the mountain shows that the mountain’s pines and cypresses are evergreens. It is the highest one among the three mountains. It is famous for being the burial place of Princess Cuiwei. The mountain contains five temples, which are Sanshanan Nunnery, Dabei Temple, Longquan Nunnery, Xiangjie Temple, and Baozhu cave. The mountain is the main body of Badachu Park. There is also a yellow beads hole in the mountain. (source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Badachu )
↩︎ - Wang Ziyou: Also known as Wang Huizhi. Son of Wang Xizhi (321 – 379). Wang Huizhi, like his father, was well-known as a calligrapher as well as a man of letters. As related in Giles, “He lived in retirement, surrounding himself with bamboo, for which he had a great fondness….” ↩︎
- Crow’s mouth: describe someone’s mouth as foul, as if spewing nonsense or talking garbage. It also describes someone’s mouth as particularly hateful, where good things never come true when spoken, but bad things always do.
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TN: APOLOGIES FOR THE DELAY! I visited my boyfriend for the weekend and didn’t have access to my laptop. ENJOY!
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