Chapter 39: A Mother’s Heart
The world was shrouded in a pale gray haze, only faint silhouettes could be made out through the air, as sand rained down, swirling east and west with no clear direction. Only a few stubborn camels lifted their heads from the ground and let out hoarse cries against the wind and sand.
The Hu merchants remained huddled beside the camels, pressing down on their packs in tight clusters. Even so, much of their daily provisions had been damaged. Several of the soft white bundles had been ripped open by the sandstorm, revealing their oil-paper-wrapped contents. One by one, the merchants struggled to their feet, brushing off the dust only in haste, and immediately scrambled to retrieve the scattered goods.
Kouyan Ying had already climbed up, looking like a walking dust cloud. Grinning cheekily, he waved to Chun Tian, “That wind was wild, I thought I’d be blown clean away!”
Huang Sanding lay close to the ground for a moment, observing the scene. Noticing the Hu merchants anxiously braving the lingering storm to salvage their white soft bundles, he hunched over and eagerly stepped forward to help. But they quickly waved him off.
“The wind’s still too strong, brother,” one merchant said. “Please take shelter, no need to trouble yourself.”
Huang Sanding stood smiling, rubbing the sand from his face, and asked with a chuckle, “These bundles… they’re tea, aren’t they? The scent is lovely, so sweet and clear.”
The Hu merchants nodded with a faint smile. “It’s a new rock tea from the Fujian region. The aroma’s like nectar–rare stuff, hardly ever exported, and few know of it. We got our hands on just a few loads. In the frontier markets, it should fetch a fine price.”
“Haha, I must be truly ignorant,” Huang Sanding laughed. “I’ve never heard of such a thing. Once we’re out of this desert, I’d love to try a cup. I wonder just how refreshing it must be.”
“Not a problem, not a problem.” The merchants replied..
Meanwhile, Wang Fu had been racing from Ganzhou toward Yumen Pass with his men. When he met Yan Song, he learned that Li Wei had taken Chun Tian over Chang Le Mountain and crossed the pass in secret.
Wang Fu knew Li Wei had traversed these deserts for nearly two decades, and that he was cautious and capable. Smuggling someone like Chun Tian past the border wouldn’t pose a challenge for him. If they were heading west toward Yiwu along the Ten Beacon Route, then catching up quickly was still possible.
Officially, Wang Fu was a tea merchant based in Ganzhou, but in truth, he served as a procurement agent for Prince Jing’s household, with ties in both civil and military sectors across Hexi. When Prince Jing had sent word instructing him to find this girl, he’d already suspected her identity. Though stationed far away in the west, Wang Fu had eyes and ears everywhere. He was well aware that this was a matter of utmost importance and that there could be no mistakes.
Just as he was preparing to gather supplies and set out from Yumen Gate to give chase, a sudden commotion broke out at the gate fortress. Over a hundred travelers, their faces ashen, were being led by soldiers to the base of the city wall.
It was none other than the caravan of Kang Dolu, which had been attacked by the Turks at Lengquan Post and now returned to Yumen seeking replacement travel papers.
Upon hearing that Turkish forces had raided Lengquan Post, killing many merchants, Wang Fu’s heart seized. Judging the dates carefully, he realized that this would have been the exact time when Li Wei and Chun Tian were passing through the area. He searched anxiously through the group but saw no sign of a girl matching Chun Tian’s age or appearance.
A cold sweat broke across his back.
The members of the caravan were busy reapplying for their travel documents, while Wang Fu moved among them, asking each person whether they had encountered a man and a young woman fitting the general appearance and age of Li Wei and Chun Tian.
Most shook their heads, saying they hadn’t seen anyone like that. A few, however, vaguely recalled the pair, both striking in appearance, the man looking stalwart and brave, the girl delicate and youthful, a sight that left a lasting, pleasing impression. But with all the chaos of recent days, no one could recall much clearly. They had no idea who Wang Fu was searching for and couldn’t say anything definitive.
Just then, Daneng, standing nearby, suddenly perked up at the mention of Chuntian’s name and jumped up, exclaiming, “Are you talking about Chun Tian-jiejie?”
Wang Fu was overjoyed to hear her name and, seeing it was a sharp little boy of seven or eight, hurriedly asked, “You’ve seen Chun Tian? Do you know where she is now?”
Daneng shook his head. “Chuntian-jiejie saved me. We even played together. But when I woke up, she was already gone.”
“When was that? Did both of them disappear together? Did anyone see which way they went?” Wang Fu pressed. “What about Li Wei? Have you seen him, little didi?”
Daneng looked at him with wide, clever eyes. “Da-ye, why are you looking for Chun Tian-jiejie?”
Mishinian, who had already overheard Wang Fu’s inquiries and recognized the descriptions as matching Li Wei and Chun Tian, stepped forward, worried Wang Fu might mean them harm. Seeing Wang Fu was close with the garrison soldiers, he feared they had come to arrest them. He approached and spoke up: “This weixiong, are you referring to a man named Li Wei seen them?”
“We crossed paths a few times,” Mishinian replied. He recounted the events of their journey and then added, “They seemed to be keeping a low profile. If they’ve committed a crime, what a pity, it’s likely they’ve fled who knows where.”
“No, no,” Wang Fu quickly explained, “I’m a family acquaintance. The elders are worried for their safety traveling alone and have sent me to bring them back to Hexi. Brother, may I ask, did you see where they were headed last?”
Seeing that Wang Fu seemed genuine, Mishinian, now less guarded, nodded. “Two days ago, I vaguely saw them veer away from Lengquan Post, heading northwest. But I can’t say which path they took.”
Wang Fu fell into thought. After thanking Mishinian, he rode straight to Lengquan Post. The place was ravaged, and he heard that unrest had spread to the next stations along the road, blocking further passage.
After much deliberation, he reasoned that Li Wei might have taken Chun Tian into the Moheyan Desert. At Lengquan Post, he found an old soldier well-versed in the local terrain and hired him as a guide to give chase.
Caught off guard by a sandstorm just a day into the desert, Wang Fu and his party were already in disarray when a sudden gale of yellow sand surged ahead, blotting out the sky and hurling stone and dust. The old soldier, stricken with fear, cried out, “It’s a black sandstorm, we can’t go on! These storms devour the living.”
The group had no choice but to retreat in haste, falling back to Lengquan Post. Unable to press forward, Wang Fu remained behind and sent word to Prince Jing, reporting everything that had happened over the past few days and awaiting further instructions.
Upon receiving the letter, Prince Jing learned that the two had not only crossed the Yumen Pass illegally, but had also encountered a raid by the Turks at Lengquan Post and then ventured into the Moheyan Desert, where they were now lost in a sandstorm. Whether they were still alive was uncertain.
He let out a long sigh, deeply troubled.
He ordered Wang Fu to continue on toward Yiwu in search of them and wrote letters to his trusted agents in Yiwu and Ganluchuan: if either caught sight of the pair, they were to report immediately.
During these days, Xue furen had wept herself dry. She neither spoke nor ate nor slept, waiting only for Wang Fu’s news. The moment she received the pigeon post, she snatched the hastily written message and, upon reading it, a sharp pain shot through her head. Her vision blackened as her beautiful eyes rolled back and she fainted.
Prince Jing cried out at once for servants to bring reviving ginseng tea. They pried her lips open and poured it in. When Xue furen finally came to, her face was ashen, her tears falling freely. She lay rigid on the bed, responding to no one’s words.
He tried to coax her for half the day: “Miaomiao, eat something. If this goes on, you’ll ruin your health.”
When she still gave no answer, he added, “Suiguan has been crying for you, calling for his mother all day. The wet nurse just took him out to see the flowers. Go and comfort him?”
Xue furen stared at the embroidered canopy with a dragon pattern above, pale as death, murmuring to herself: “Niuniu, are you so desperate for death? A place that far, so full of danger… even if it meant dying, you still had to go?”
“You left without a word. You must have given up on your mother completely. I’ve wronged you.”
“You’ve all left me. What’s the point of me staying? Might as well die with you.”
She rose like a ghost, barefoot, and walked toward the window. The study was built over the water; outside were layers of lotus flowers, slender pods bobbing in the breeze. Once, she and Prince Jing had leaned there side by side, delighting in the view, making love and sharing laughter. Now her eyes were void of light. She pushed open the window, ready to cast herself into the water.
Prince Jing rushed forward and grabbed her by the shoulders, shouting, “Miaomiao, what are you doing!”
Xue furen turned her beautiful eyes turned cold on him, fiercely struggling to pry his hands away. Determined, she fought to break free and throw herself out the window.
Infuriated, he dragged her off the stool and pushed her back onto the couch. “Miaomiao, calm down!”
But Xue furen had already made up her mind to die. As he stepped out to call for the maids to attend her, she suddenly bolted from the couch and ran toward a beam in the room, ready to dash her head against it. Prince Jing, quick as lightning, caught her around the waist and stopped her just in time. Cold sweat drenched his back. “Are you mad? Why are you bent on dying like this?”
“I shouldn’t be alive, I should’ve died long ago,” she whispered, crumpling to the floor. Her forehead pressed against the cold stone tiles, the golden hairpins in her dark hair trembling with her body. That hair, so lush and dark, spilled over her slender shoulders. She trembled faintly, like a stunning bloom that had fallen too early, soft, broken, and hopeless. “I should never have lived.”
“If you die, are you going to abandon your daughter and son too?” Prince Jing’s voice turned sharp with fury. “Your daughter is thousands of miles away, her fate still uncertain. Suiguan is just a few months old, he can’t even walk yet. And you can bear to leave them behind? You have died many times over the years, is it not enough? Are you just going to throw away our affections?”
He drew a breath, chest rising and falling, a haze of anger and grief tangled in his heart. Looking down at the woman collapsed on the floor, her gauzy robes failing to conceal the elegance of her form, he saw even in this state of despair a beauty that could steal one’s soul. Despite everything, his heart still ached with tenderness for her.
He extended his hand. “Come now. Let’s talk calmly. Wang Fu’s letter said very little, of course you’re imagining the worst. The northwest is perilous, yes, but not without hope.”
Xue furen stared at the shape of his lips moving. Her gaze was hollow. Suddenly, she let out a low, bitter laugh and pursed her lips. A strange gleam flared on her snow-pale cheeks, almost frenzied. “All of you. Every last one of you.”
Her body shook as she cried and laughed at once. “I was once, I was once a proper woman from a good family. How did I end up like this? A concubine kept by a man of power, a toy for the nobility, my lifelong reputation ruined.”
“I was a married woman. You all ignored decorum and honor, acted on lust, took me by force and played me like a thing. You used my daughter to threaten me, promised me reunion, demanded I behave, that I please and obey, that I scrape out a living in humiliation. And in the end? My daughter was raised by others, cast me aside, suffered countless hardships, and now no one knows if she lives or dies. Heaven is punishing me, for breaking my vows, for not remaining faithful to a dead husband, for daring to live on until now.”
Prince Jing’s heart twisted at her words, a chill spreading from his chest. “Yes, I wanted you for your beauty. I imprisoned you, forced you. But ask yourself: in all these years, have I wronged you? Wronged your daughter? Wronged the Xue family? I killed Wei Shaozong for you, elevated your brother, honored your kin, showered your daughter with favor. I gave you a son, gave you a title, gave you everything. Was my sincerity so worthless? Was our past love nothing to you? Can you truly say you’ve never felt a thing for me?”
“Niuniu is your daughter, but isn’t Suiguan your child too? Didn’t you carry him for ten months? Didn’t he come from your body? In all these months, how many times have you held him? Smiled at him? When he cries for his mother, where are you? Both are your flesh and blood, why love one and scorn the other? Am I, Prince Jing, so inferior to your late husband Chun Yue, that my son deserves your cold disdain and that my child’s life is worthless?”
“You think you compare to Zhongfu?” she laughed coldly, her body chilled to the bone. “He was upright, noble, a man of righteousness. In my heart, he was a hero. And you? You locked me up, forced me down, used every cruel trick to bend me to your will. Is that what a noble, dignified Prince should do?”
He sneered in return. “Your Zhongfu, no matter how fine a man, died with disgrace and scorn, his body lost somewhere unknown for years. And me? I may be a villain, but you still bore my child, still lay beneath me, still gave me your body and your warmth.”
Her breath caught in her throat.
He looked at her trembling shoulders, his head pounding. He closed his eyes a moment and finally spoke, low and weary: “Even a single night together earns a hundred nights’ affection. You still don’t see what you mean to me? I wronged you in the past, yes, but since you entered my life, have I ever looked at another? I cherish you. I’ve tried in every way to make up for the past.”
“I know you’re afraid. You’re worried sick over your child. Wang Fu’s letter made things sound dire, but the man escorting Chun Tian is experienced and steady. They’ll be fine.”
He sighed and looked at her tear-streaked face. “Miaomiao, I’ll say this plainly. If you won’t keep yourself well, then who else in this world will care what becomes of your daughter?”
Her daughter. That faraway child, lost somewhere in the desert.
Xue furen sobbed, struggling to breathe, then shut her eyes tight. At last, her resolve broke. She crawled on her knees to Prince Jing, raising her tear-bright gaze to him.
“Please, save my child. Take me to her.”
“You’re a delicate woman, you can’t make a journey like that.”
She swallowed her bitterness. Her fingers, soft and boneless, began slowly untying the sash at his waist. Her voice turned low and honeyed again, her appearance becoming every inch the woman he once loved. “And if I serve you, Your Highness?”
TN: Hi everyone!! Hope everyone is well~
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